We have forgotten to enjoy life. Since childhood, we are trying to accomplish the goals that have been set for us. Instead of bringing our talents and intelligence to light, we are constantly in a mode of competition as if we have to be perfect. The more we compete, the more we compare. The more we compare, the more deficient we feel and become unhappy.
Osho says: “A grass leaf is needed as much as the biggest star. Without the grass leaf, God will be less than he is. This sound of the cuckoo is needed as much as any Buddha; the world will be less, will be less rich if this cuckoo disappears. Just look around. All is needed, and everything fits together.”
We are self-sufficient and beautiful in every way. However, there are so many “shoulds” that we are taught. As in the case of, “you should be successful”, “you should be beautiful”. Unless we become aware of these “shoulds” and get rid of them, we live the lives that others demand from us. We are expected to behave according to the beauty and success standards that were determined by others. Consequently, we remain hungry because our needs are never satisfied.
So few of us wake up and ask “what do I want?” Those who can not quiet down the voice of others, live the lives expected of them instead of pursuing their own dreams. This is such a dilemma that regardless whether these people chose to live their own dreams or someone else’s dreams, they feel guilty either way. The proper thing to do is to lower the voice of the others and start listening to our own needs.
Since we don’t know how to communicate with ourselves, we don’t know how to communicate with others either. Every time we feel angry or guilty and don’t express our feelings, it builds up inside. We remain unsatisfied as we don’t know how to convey our needs. When we remain unsatified, we try to get that satisfaction from other things like eating chocolate, shopping etc.
The comparison is not only with others but also with ourselves. We don’t like the way we were yesterday. We don’t like the decisions we make. However, it is important to remember that we also did the best with what we knew back then. We chose the best among all the available options we had. We tend to forget about this fact. We feel guilty instead of being happy with our new broader perspective.
Of people who have a guilty conscience, some want to get out of this while others want to continue to suffer. They get pleasure from the suffering. In every occasion they tend to focus on the part that they can blame themselves about. Afterwards, just like a jewelry designer, they diligently work on “that blamed part” and they make it more embellished.
- Choose any situation,
- Find something wrong with the situation,
- Blend in the thoughts of “I am inadequate”, “I can`t”
- And nicely start self-accusing yourself… (Cancel)
If we can catch ourselves during one of these 4 steps, we can get out of this cycle.
Remind yourself how much you are loved. Shower every part of yourself with praise when you are in front of the mirror. Write love letters to yourself from the mouth of your ideal lover. Have plenty of gratitude for what you have.
If we didn’t exist, the universe would be incomplete… We are always loved. We are always perfect in every way.